Dust your thoughts

17 Jul

It’s interesting. It’s very interesting. The human mind that is. It’s almost like a house with furniture. If you place the furniture in a fashion that’ll allow you to maneuver easily around the house then you’re more likely to be efficient and productive. If you don’t, however, you will be less efficient and you will take an awful lot of time to figure out where you belongings are and get from one place to another. But placing them in the right place, is not the only thing that is required to ensure efficiency and inner peace. Maintaining the furniture by rearranging them, dusting, vacuuming is also required. Simply put, it’s a never ending job that needs constant checking, fixing and organizing. At times, we ought to get rid of some furniture and replace them with entirely new ones. Because, well, you might have more kids and so you’ll need a bigger dinning table or you just might get sick of a piece of furniture and therefore replace it with a new one. Sometimes we bring in new furniture to accommodate the needs of our new hobby or work. An artist will need a desk an aspiring athlete will need gym equipment. It is a never ending process of constant adjusting. You might have gotten ahead of me already, and presumed that furniture is a metaphor for thoughts. That is right. If you haven’t then you may want to rearrange your furniture around.

Thoughts need to be rearranged every once and a while, you need to clean them and get rid of some. As you get older, the pressure of having to figure out what you want to do with your life builds up. You think through every possible career you see yourself in, a professor, an artists, a writer a chef a counselor a film maker a fashion designer. Then out of the blue you get called in for an interview to be a researcher and well that becomes what you do with your life and you just hope that is the career you stick with and fall in love with by time. To ensure productivity and efficiency you need to rearrange your thoughts so that you can move through life easily. Get rid of the thoughts that are draining your energy. It takes effort, I know. Just like moving an old couch out of the house. But it isn’t an impossible job to get done. Bring in new thoughts that’ll help you get through life and once you find these thoughts, lock them in place and don’t forget to clean, dust and vacuum them when things start to get messy again.

Happy cleaning!

Every memory counts.

23 Feb

Let me tell you a story. An interesting one. Twenty something years ago, my mom and dad were newly married and they were looking for a chef to do the cooking for them. Mom heard about a Moroccan chef who worked for an ambassador and asked my dad if he can bring her to the UAE. So my dad, happy that he found a female chef, willingly made some calls and brought her to our home. The morning she arrived my mom met her at the door and as they greeted and kissed each others cheeks my mom told her “your name is Jameela” and she happily accepted the name given to her. Jameela worked for my family around 5-6 years. In those years, my mom taught her how to read, she gave her from her own jalabyas (long dresses) and her and my mom grew tight and our family and family friends all knew about Jameela and her amazing dishes! In those years, mom got pregnant with her first baby and 9 months later she delivered a baby girl and called her Hessa. Jameela was Hessa’s second mother she took care of her like her like own, played with her, fed her and put her to bed. My mother trusted her with Hessa very much. 

 

Jameela went back to Morocco to get married, she came back to work and my mom surprised her with the news that they are bringing her husband to the UAE. The day she arrived from Morroco she came to a room decorated with flowers and food and drinks for her and her husband. My mom really cared about her and she become more like a sister than a house helper. Jameela tried her best to balance between work and meeting her husbands needs, but unfortunatly he turned out to be a bad person who was taking her for granted. He took her money and bought alcohol with them and one night when Jameela came back to her room after a long day of work and Yahya started hitting her. Jameela started running from my our house to my grandmothers house where my parents were temporarily staying, she ran and woke my parents up crying and traumatized by what have happend. My dad was a lawyer so he worked on filing a divorce but she refused to get a divorce. My parents left her at her own will. Months later she got pregnant and when Hessa started kindergarten she went back to her country and my parents never heard of her ever since. 

Today, after 17 years of not knowing anything about her Jameela reunited with our family, she now has a daughter named Hessa and is officially divorced from Yayha. 

People like him.

4 Feb

I watch videos when I’m bored. Youtube videos to be more specific. There’s just so many interesting things on the tube. I call it the skill factory, I’ll tell you why on another post. I was watching George Carlins shows and this guy opened my eyes to something. Too sad I discovered this dude 4 years and 7 months after his death, I would have loved to have met him and have a long mind enriching conversation with him. It’s amazing how a person can have such an effect on a person even after he’s long gone. Well, of course thanks to advanced technology and Youtube. His way of questioning matters got me started on questioning my society and why we do the things we do. For instance, the generation of people I grew up around, speak their second language ‘English’ better than their first language, they dress exactly like people they see in magazines suddenly everyone is interested in the same shit: fashion and photography or whatever it is. The girl friend boy friend rate is increasing, people drink vodka like its red tea and oh wait they go to clubs and have sex often! Well, clearly there’s pattern. They are not muslims because you know muslims.. muslims wouldn’t do that.. because islam is a religion that doesn’t encourage such acts. But surprise surprise the people I’m talking about are Arab Muslims.
It makes me sad to see how our identities got wiped so fast, or wait I’m starting to think we didn’t have this identify of ours in first place. We were almost injected those identity by a Doctor called Media.

Bad.

3 Feb

January has passed by as fast as a Lamborghini in a car race. Damn. I haven’t achieved anything. I haven’t blogged in a while I’ve just been surfing through life feeling useless. I finished another semester of college but then again the other 1000+ students at my college did too, so that’s nothing special. The other day one of my professors was indirectly making fun of me saying “How are you? Walking the talk?” Yup. I’m one of those people who has the ability to do a lot of shit and talks about a lot of shit but does minimal work. Why? Ok I know I said I don’t have any confidence but I feel like there is something else holding me back. Don’t know…

Do you understand you?

4 Jan

The need for one to understand him or herself is a forgotten topic. “You need to understand yourself” is an understatement I believe. You don’t know yourself as much as you claim you do. It’s typical human thinking to say that you understand yourself, whether you’ve realized this or not there’s always that something that you discovered about yourself later that changed your thinking, the way you are and how you deal with things or simply helped you make sense out of a lot of things. Let me just give myself as an example to help you understand what I’m talking about. I believe in achievement, I believe in productivity and yes I have had achievements and had productive days. But, I can be the laziest, demotivated person you’ll ever meet sometimes. Well, not sometimes. A lot of the times, to be quite honest. I push things to the next day, I get so easily distracted and rarely can bring myself to reach the productivity level that I wish to reach in my day. It frustrates me, everyone else around me seems to be able to do it, why is it that I can’t? I begin to question my intelligence and my abilities and instead of trying to understand myself, I instead create a long list of excuses of why I can’t. Excuses is my friend and enemy or what most like to call it “Frenemy.” Excuses give me temporary peace within myself, but in the long term it makes me feel like an absolute failure who can’t get anything done. Here’s where the “understanding yourself” subject comes, if I truly understood why I am the why I am, I can easily fix it. It’s like when you’re sick, once your doctor knows exactly what’s causing your illness he can then prescribe you some medication to make you better. Right now, I need to be my own doctor and really dig deep to understand why I’m like that. Maybe, I know it but I’m too ashamed to say it. Maybe it’s my lack of confidence? It is .. my lack of confidence…  Almost everyone around me has the impression of me that I’m a hardworking and I’m a dream chaser and there’s a term in psychology known as ‘impression management’ where you basically try to maintain that impression you like of yourself in everyone else’s eyes. In my case, I’m trying to maintain a false impression, I am not hardworking and I’m not a dream chaser. I’d love to be. But I get too easily distracted to be hardworking and to achieve your dreams hard work is in the equation. I used to vent about this to my friends sometimes, hoping that one of them might tell me the solution I’ve been longing for. But I learned that I have to look and search for the solution myself, because there’s no one out there for me who cares enough to help me through this, or maybe they just don’t know it. It sounds like I’m making a big deal, but I’m really not, this thing is damaging me in so many ways, it’s pulling me back from being the person I want to be in life. And if that’s not important, I don’t know what is. 

What is it?

3 Jan

I sometimes feel like I’m waiting for someone to take care of me. Someone to guide me and show me what to do. Sometimes I feel like I need someone to help me through. But I’m a prisoner of my pride. I can’t bring myself to make someone feel like I need them, even if I do. I’m afraid to show people my vulnerable side because I’m afraid that they might hurt me.  I sometimes find it hard to say what I want to say directly and hope that people can read between the lines and know what I mean. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I may want to be in love. I want love.

Not a good start to my year.

2 Jan

I wrote 89 words for my paper and then continued to do what I do best, procrastinate. The past 2 days I’ve been waking up after 12 noon which is not good at all. I hate missing the mornings of my day. I care to be productive but I guess I’m still on holiday mode now. I need to snap out of it and get my self together. I need to go back to having a good sleeping pattern, a daily workout routine and a fixed study plan. I deleted my twitter account off my phone because it’s just getting really boring there’s no more interesting people out there it’s just full of 14 year olds acting older than their age, but I do have another account with 0 followers and a locked account and I use it as my emotional outlet, to rant, vent, complain, yeah I’d rather rant, vent and complain to myself rather than anyone else because at least I won’t judge myself or use my words against myself. I am annoyed at myself and will stay annoyed until I get myself together and fix things up!